What is back?

That dazed feeling is back here. I find no rhyme, no rational rhythm in this state. Long have I found myself placed atop unfounded tact, acts and dilemmas. That supremely misleading thoughts have knocked on me yet again. I had nearly given up when the blow by blow confusion struck me out from nowhere – that nowhere, the ultimate vacuum where I am so rightly placed at the moment. The more I wade through the hard water, the more is the suffocating inability to wade through… Neither is there a way to move forward, nor a place to move back… So what is back? When the lightning strikes, the burns are not felt as hard as the blinding light.

Sometimes when our life is too full with all the darkness the blinding light remains no more a positive turn. The lightning in a dark dreamy night is something unasked and unwanted for.

A Bengali poem that I so tried (and failed everytime) to formulate…

Aalo thakuk andhare ghera Aalor i Aashai

” Din chole jai, …. ki jaani kiser ashai…

Raat boye jai, …. ak boddhhyo chinta-bakser bhaashai…

ki ki hariyechhi tar nei kono heesheb,

chawa pawar shaad boddo shaadheen…

din chole jai, raat boye jai…

mon bhebe bhebe, more ghure ghure,

jug parapar, hothat elomelo shopno canvas,

ekhane aandhar baash kore…. dure kothao dakha dai, majhe majhe,

alor chhotak…. alor shopno chhetano, ekhane shekhane, kaachhe, dure, dure…”

Halfwitted Status Updates

I was seriously enraged by the fact that such a shallow handling of serious issues can be done on social networking platforms. For the last two days there has been thousands of status updates which state the bra colours of the women users. This internet meme has really bugged me. Why and how would revealing one’s bra colour help spread the cause of Breast Cancer Awareness??!!

I think either I am seriously shortsighted or there is some severe misunderstanding and misjudgment of serious issues in our society. Breast Cancer is a serious and  a very tender issue. I fail to understand how some innocent and homely woman from some foreign state just circulates a mail and urges user to reveal their bra colours and then expects to make people aware of it?? HOW?? Can anybody answer my question??

Isn’t it utterly stupid and callous of all the people who participated in such a crazy race to show nothing related to the concern in hand but join a race to come out with a fashion statement. That is what I have concluded. The enormous madness in mentioning the colours and also replying (to queries, fellow users’ comments, etc) with smile symbols left me mad. I guess I am being too emotional but I simply could not believe that the most educated and the so called class conscious people/peers valiantly (we would have shined and excelled if we would have shown the same valour for real causes and taken up the real challenge to fight for serious issues) charged to place their statements and also shockingly snub the male friends when the latter asked as to what the entire thing was about!!

This is nothing but being an idiot bitten by the craze created by the ominous (at times) social networking platforms. We must join hands to seriously increase awareness for the disease which is fast growing like a wild fire rather than sit and create the gooey things by updating statuses on the bras or underwear and the colours we wear !! To hell with the brazenness of all and sundry who failed (and fail each day) to understand the seriousness of issues. Certain issues and things need to be dealt differently rather than ill-treat it or mistreat it by spreading faux awarenesses.

Let us all grow up a bit. Let up look forward and create something valuable. Why do we need to waste our time and energy on things that we dimly understand?! Till I take a shower or get a chunk of ice placed on  my head, I find it hard to come back here as this is also one form of networking. I have been so intimidated yesterday that I need some time to recuperate from the shock……

P.S.  Let us all pledge to fight and make people aware of Breast Cancer. I believe there are some sensible ones who would take up the real challenge and fight for the cause without showing fake concerns for the cause. We are a real society and there is no way that internet can damage our real emotions, thoughts and passions.

Relevance

All I say (and try to believe) is – Nothing is mine, this I am not, this is not my self…. this (referring to all that I have and all that I see, feel and possess) is not mine. Everything I come across, all that I explore, gain, gather and accumulate has relevance in making me. The relevance of life is in the thoughts. Thoughts follow certain steps which further go on to shape our lives.

I was disturbed yesterday hearing somebody say that it is best to stay (suppress oneself to stay that way) so detached as to stop all forward movements in life. Then I made myself think that what could be the point of relevance for that person in saying or believing in such an absurd thing. I shut my mind for a few moments (which seemed like ). Then the thoughts started to form into a whole bubble (after all we all live inside a bubble!). Without piercing it I could think clearly that why would a person actually believe  that it was best for him/her to stop the growth process. The outcome was that – A person could possibly detach oneself to be within him/herself. This was a conscious process of the mind. But there was another thing attached to this one. A person’s continuous connection with the conscious and the subconscious meddled up and formed a conflict. A person actually trying to suppress or discontinue his/her potentials went on to do so without consciously realizing that he/she is actually doing it after a point of time.

The point of relevance was found. I found it apt. I was trying to construct a mind-model of that person. But I failed badly. I just came out with the fact that there are happenings, reasons, events or certain unexplained things which occur in people’s lives that go on to make them a shirker or in a more positive word, a forced detachment player. There is no question of positive or negative in it. But I do not know why I felt an urge to find the root of such a disturbing thought. There was no rhyme or rhyme in doing so…

…But then again the stark opposites in our lives made it simple for me to come to a conclusion. Life has its relevance. The thoughts and the conflicts in them make the relevance stronger. Everything we see, believe, feel, point, fight and explicate has relevance and strong connections with each other. Relevance is formed with connections and connectivities. As mere mortals we find it hard to see with our naked eyes. We fail to see with the mind’s eyes.

Life seemed easier again. Questions and answers are so similar at times. There is no need (at times) to find the answers because there is the existence of the questions. We question consciously when the subconscious is all about knowing the answers. We just need to be more friendly with our softer and stabler subconscious. That is when we would achieve the finer path of enlightenment.

whole lotta love

Whole lotta love is what i am feelin… whole lotta love is what i wanna go givin… 2010 is just hours away and I can’t keep my head from reelin…. coz, after light there sure is a song – I am free, free fallin….

The rest is for time to say… coz I know that “…I’ve got time on my hands…” and I also know that probably “…time don’t run out on me…”…. after every other thing there comes a reeling feeling to spread the word around, to mix all that we feel and throw them up in the air….

You got to feel this lovin’ feelin’, when the world is busy reeling – as once a great man said that new year should be themed on ‘…Give peace a chance’, I found it relevant to share my loving thoughts and wishes with the world. Hope I am taken in the right way. I really don’t care how I am taken, but this time around I want this loving and reeling feeling to seep inside, deep inside till there is no need for pumped emotions…

Snippets of the last shot of ‘Perfume – the story of a murderer’ is filling my mind today. The uncanny feeling that arose when we watched the protagonist vanish after throwing up his perfumed body for the masses… has struck me today morning. I can’t explain, I can’t express, I can’t elaborate, I can’t explicate on this theory (if at all you wish to call it one!) any further. After all itz just a feeling – a reeling feelin’ to share the ‘whole lotta love’ I feel inside my soul…

Enjoy the year ahead and letz hope for a better tomorrow and a peaceful world around us… Hope is still the rope…!

Before Sunset

Everytime time I visit this place there is sommething new that I come back with. Kolkata’s ‘Princep Ghaat’ has some beautiful transition points for a photographer looking for a few f them.

If one is lucky, she/he might get them. I have left it out for you to decide however, that whether by a transition point I have tried to imply the sheer technical points as expressed in a photographic journey or whether it might just be a link and the transition point set by god knwos who, between life and photography!

Before sunset is  just a quest (to uphold a scenic beauty) on a simple photographic platform on a simple and dull wintry afternoon. There was nothing great set to achieve here as such…

Mind on the Clouds

I don’t know how many of us  believe the astrology forecasts or the natal charts daily speaks. But today of all days came with a strange awakening. Just when my mind felt lighter and travelled the clouds, I saw my forecast actually saying that my mind would judge it best to stay in the clouds and wait till the storm was over.

I would like to dedicate my thoughts to a great Spiritual teaching I came across -

“…On that side, beyond the clouds,
The mountain is blue-green as jade
The white clouds on the mountain
Are whiter than white
From the spring on the mountain,
Drop after drop
Who knows how to see the face
In the white clouds?
Clear skies and rain have their times,
They’re like lightening
Who knows how to listen to the
Sound of this spring?
It flows on without stopping
Through thousands
And thousands of turns
The moment before thought
Is already wrong
To try to say anything further
Is embarrassing…”

I wanted to tell so much more but after going through the words above there is nothing else left for me to speak. The expressions and the depth are too strong and too silent to create anymore noise. I am scared that even Zen has found me out. We may not often believe in the unspoken and the unseen but the wheels of destiny prove it so well that they are there, their existence will ever be so even if we do not care to vouch for their presence.

We saw it coming

We saw this frenzied time coming. West Bengal is in a boiling state. The daily massacres are creating a havoc. There is fear of more murders and bombings to continue. The raw enmity between the two leading parties have come out in the open. The innocent hundreds are bearing the brunt each day.

The villages and the districts of West Bengal are the worst affected. Everyday headlines come with the open wounds of our much disturbed state. The visuals are not just disturbing but are seriously unnerving. Nobody is sure as to what the next morning will come with.  The political mess was an inevitable result. But where have the political responsibilities gone? The much promised peaceful state of affairs are a far cry.

Today’s dailies had a blaring image of a little girl wounded with shrapnel. She belongs to some village in Habra. She was just about to enjoy a fine winter morning in an art competition when a shrapnel hit her and her world fell apart. The safe feeling had been disturbed for her forever. There are several similar stories in West Bengal presently. The political rivalries have hit all highs. Nobody is feeling safe and sound anymore.

We the urban people are shifting in our seats in full-on uneasiness. The political spell will surely spill from the villages to the cities as well .Only time will say when. We saw all this coming. We saw the madness and the run for lives long before. We saw but we kept mum as time immemorial. We saw it coming… We knew it all… The madness will blow out in larger proportions only when we think all the madness has subsided a bit…

Tipsy in Office?

Got a chance to become a bit tipsy in office! I cannot really say whether life in office is making me go tipsy or I actually took a drink or two in office to become tipsy…  Life is cool…

Great men say that it is best to experience everything in life. I would say that I am just near to achieving that feat, but haven’t really achieved it completely… Feeling weird to work after having a drink. Never really had this kind of loser like experience. But I am actually not feeling  like a loser. I am feeling good, after a long time…

My head is full of plans – plans completely unfulfilled. But the dream to complete those plans is keeping me awake these days. I am awake. Finally feeling a bit positive about it all… till nothing…

Wondrous Wannabe Mania

I am back! Whether back with a bang can’t really say. Well, I felt like I was off for long. This was a forced absence from blogging. I see all and sundry whiling away their so very UN-creative time and brain space writing meaningless (and sometimes super-blabbering) Blogs. My sarcasm is for the ones who directly hit out on us (us who are just mere mortals and nothing more) each day trying to prove that their ways of expression are better. But my question to this breed of people is – Who are you to decide that your expressions are better than any other?

Personally I believe expressions are after all expressions. There cannot be a good and bad demarcation for God’s Sake. Some people hold the lens to express their mindset. Some tick-tack on their keyboards and some like I said earlier, while away their time with futile creative attempts. I feel sad looking at these wannabes.

Just a few days back I saw somebody actually trying to start off a conversation on Dylan and Baez! This person was nobody in musical ears. The person talked in such a manner as to dry up my interest to continue further. What is wrong with wannabes? What is it that they want to prove by just blabbering on things that they do not understand well. I am not saying that I am unhappy with the burgeoning of creatives. But I am seriously unhappy with the fact that there are hypocrites who portray a learned image in this society to prove that they are better than others. But when you actually stifle them(with your true GYAAN ) they go weak. There is no intention whatsoever to stifle their breadths.

One must understand that knowledge is to impart not to boast. Whatever field we belong to there is no justification of leading the way with our boastful false prides. After all in the past these knowledgeable people were idiots. So why would a person try to show another their downsides? But as we all know even the questions will fall to deaf ears and after sometime the wannabes and allegedly knowledgeable races will take over our society.

It was just a burst of emotions that forced me to write on the things that I hate so very much. It might be the case, that I will join the race in order to praise the rise of Wannabes. HAIL THE WANNABES!

Silence

Silence (in Bengali)

“Nistobdhota”

Ghum Porir Deshe Ak Odbhut Nistobdhota,

Nischup Ghum  Porir Shohore, Monthor Elo Melo Kobita.

Akla Stobdho Podokhyep, Monthor Neemogno Moleen Mounota,

Shopno-Bastob shob mile mishe akakar,

Mon nodir majhi paari diyechhe maajh nodite ak prokar!

Ghum Porira Aaj Boddo Klanto, Nishobdo Khunje barachhe tara,

Ak Elo Melo Shopno-Bastober Meelon Khetre.

Ei Ki cheyechhile tumi?

Akla Stobdho Podokhyep?

Akta Sara Jagano Monthor Elo Melo Kobita?

E Mounotar Nei Je Kono Kul,

Moleenota tai sara jagiyechhe opaar,

Noishobde, shara diye jeyo go ak aadh baar.

Neemogno Mounotai, Moleen Noishobde,

Chhuye Jeo Ak Baar, Dakha Diyo Ak Bar.

Silence (Translated from original )

There is deafening Silence in the Angel’s World,

Silent Slumber in the streets of Angel World.

This is a poem which is born in a maze,

Silent Footsteps, Resounding Silence constantly forming a Haze.

Real- Unreal plays on…

Mind-river has been oared in the midway.

Tired Sleep Angels search for Silence,

The search carries on and on and on…

Real- Unreal play on to form something surreal,

tonight somewhere in the fields of the mind.

Is this what you really waited for so long?

A stopped footstep?

Or a popular rhyme-less poem like mine?

This Silence has no Boundary,

That’s the reason why I mentioned blurry borders on the territory.

Do Knock on the Silence at times,

To make it resound with Deep Numbness and Blurry Vacuum.

Touch Me Deep in the night, when the world is in deep slumber,

Wave at me when the moon is the silent player…