Apathy and Indiffrence all the way

Posted: November 4, 2009 in Uncategorized

I cannot take the “alleged” Apathy and Indifference. I have blocked images and impeded growth for the day. I cannot quite gauge why this vast levels of apathy and indifference is being hurled on me.

I have travelled so far. I have been in so much pain that the blaring noise and the vivid indifference is gradually taking the toll on me. I am probably on my highest breaking point highs of my life. I am fast approaching, either a slow death or a fast life where all my dreams will somehow come true. I am in the middle of my self-created box where although there are pores, but there aren’t any direct source of light. I am in a somewhat partial darkness which has a deadly numbing effect on my already dying bones, mass, blood, heart rate and brain waves.

How does a loving person get back her loving levels? How does a person try and achieve a life – a meaningful one? What exactly is a meaningful life? Since childhood we have been taught that square meals, peace and some amount of savings when culminated together forms a somewhat meaningful life. I still cannot gauge (I don’t know why) why inspite of the presence of all the mentioned factors my life is not meaningful at all. I could have lived with the fact that I have some of the dreams already fulfilled. But I cannot dare to say that I have achieved that. Neither do I see myself achieving my share of happy and peaceful moments with the person I desire to be with. The questions are too many and the answers are too less.

The whirlwind is possibly here to stay. The muddled up heart and head is probably here to hit me every morning I get up, only wishing that I meet my dreams in real life. Is it something real big to ask for from life? How high? How low? How far? How close and how near do I stand to realize all of these?

I have a “knock knock knocking…”, coming up shortly, till I find some really good answers to all my pent up questions. I did have a dream, I did even have a song to sing (all the way) but now there is a maze of songs and musical cacophony left, LEFT for possible realization and reckoning in the days to come?

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