How does it feel to fail from within

Posted: March 16, 2016 in life, soul searching
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

soul_searchingIt was the onset of summer. Soon after a sleepless night came a bright sunny day when promises were to be made. At least that is how it all felt. I could hear my heartbeat with each footstep (that inclined towards being fast yet timid). Never did I feel this way but how would I ever know that this feeling existed if I would not have joined my friend for a hearty day out.

As the day progressed urge for more alcohol and less of intense conversation engulfed me. I was failing from within as I could feel I had nothing to give out and nothing left to take it in. I never knew how it feels to fail from within. Being a person who talks with oneself most of the times, this came as a rude shock because  life has taken a turn that I have never experienced before.

One who has been cheated, failed, demeaned and maligned by others will probably be the one who would start having this feeling of failing from within. There have been numerous previous instances of failure in similar lines but I somehow believe that an end to all that strikes only when the heart has seen it all!  I think whenever somebody realizes his/her true self he/she actually comes to an end in realizing all the hurts, pains and existential dramas of life. This is where a person’s true journey of life begins. The individual at this point starts following an unknown path of existence where he/she finds no connection to known emotions, sentiments, failures, pains and dis-harmonies. This is where, I believe, starts the concept of soul searching… to reach a destination that is apparently unknown to us… but with time …. becomes more known than any other ways of our lives.

From the point of soul searching we start identifying our soul, that needs release. For this our only quest in life can be, finding  connection with our-self. In our circle of life we often forget to connect with ourselves, remaining busy in all futile things of existential drama. But when we start doing this, there remains no bigger joy.

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